Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Our Cat

DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hashor some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. Ihad hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due tothe power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it tomy advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but this time at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.. .. . . for now. . .

Hope you got a good chuckle~ this was from another email I received...I take no credit.

27 comments:

Happy Days said...

that was so cute! I was thinking that you were even more clever than I had already thought. thanks for sharing.

Courtney said...

That was cute and I thought you had done it until the end. So cute and thanks for sharing.

Mari said...

I got that e-mail too - it has enough truth in it to be hilarious! You cat has the same disgusted look on it's face as our gets when family members do things like make her wear glasses.

Laura said...

So, so, funny! And so true. I'm reading a book right now and it says that because we feed them, love them, play with them etc., Dogs think we must be God. But because we feed them, love them, play with them etc., cats think they must be God.

They're both loveable in different ways for sure!

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

Oh that's too funny! And the photos of your cat go along perfectly with it - love the 'diva' look in the sunglasses! :)

Amy said...

i was going to comment on your creativity!!! that was really cute! thanks for sharing.

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Cute post! I thought as I was reading it, "Gosh, she's never mentioned that they have a dog, a cat and a bird!" I was wondering how on earth you could handle four children, PLUS three pets! LOL

Lizzy :)

OHmommy said...

Cute picture. Of course your cat has pink glasses with soooo many girls around. LOL.

Linds said...

ha! very funny!

kim-d said...

That is really good! I love my two kitties and I keep trying to convince myself they love me, too--but I really think it's more that they just know I am the food source--HA! Your kitty is a beauty!

Kellan said...

That is so true and so funny - you have a beautiful cat that fits right in with such a beautiful family! Have a good day - Kellan

Spammon said...

You forgot about the part where the dog goes into the trash can and finds a diaper and eats it. Because it's his favorite thing.

Joanna said...

Oh man! I snort my water from laughing so hard. That was funny!! I hope there is another saga.

Anonymous said...

I think my cat is more like this:
"da da da duh duh duh dum....oh oh oh something SHINY"
"ATTACK the immobile CATNIP MOUSE...ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK"
mirror: "hello Beautiful, oh, you're pretty, hello...hello?"
"ATTACK the immobile CATNIP MOUSE...ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK"
"time for a nap...where's the sunny spot?"
yup, sounds about right...
don't forget to call me to hear the good news!
-KY

Kathryn said...

I've read that once before, and I love it! That is hilarious! And some of the reasons I don't own a cat. ;)

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Very cute - I tried not to chuckle - it hurts my chest and throat too much. I am alive but barely. Even typing on your blog aches. Who knew I'd live to 38 and then succumb to a cold? Woah is me....

I think I see a faint light in the distance...

Hallie

LaskiGal said...

Love it! Hilarious!!! SO TRUE, too.

You have one COOL cat . . .

utmomof5 said...

That is exactly why I have a dog and no cats!!

Christina

Valarie said...

Yeah, cute......go check out my blog...I have a challenge on there for ya. :)

Kristen said...

Very cute! :-)

We are also dog only people!

just jamie said...

Hilarious!

Steph said...

I had to catch up on your posts again! You so fast!
I love my kitties and my doggies. And that is exactly like their personalities too!
Thanks for continuing to comment on my blog, even though I'm such a slacker!
Happy B-day (belated) to your little one!

Steph said...

Cute picture of the cat. I'm personally a dog person, but only because I'm allergic to cats.

Steph

Amy said...

It was hilarious! And so true! I can't do the cat thing, come to think of it I'm kinda over the dog thing. Just one more being around here for me to feed and bathe!

Angela said...

Dogs and cats lives are so different

Joanne said...

Did you write this...wow..you are one gifted writer.

This was just hilarious.

Becky said...

LOL, that cat looks like a pretty content kitty, lying about the house allowing such treatment by it's captors.

I'm afraid a kitty would not be left alone in our home. Our toddler would take it upon himself to hold the kitty, squeeze the kitty and otherwise torment the poor thing till it moved out and sought refuge with some childless neighbors. Hence, no kitty.